Smith Baby #2 -Graham

I've been meaning to document this on our family blog since we announced our pregnancy but I just didn't know quite how to say what I was feeling. Obviously I'm so excited and happy we're pregnant with baby #2! It just doesn't seem real yet if that makes sense..?

P.S. this got long winded. You have been warned.


Because of all our struggles trying to get pregnant with Hilton, when we finally did I just knew it was meant to be, it was the Lord's hand in our lives, it was quickly our new norm knowing that we would finally be parents. This time around however, it's taken quite a bit longer to sink in and become 'real'. Let me back up.

As some of you remember it took us over a year to get pregnant with Hilton, mainly because I had undiagnosed PCOS. After about five months of trying and not getting pregnant I went to see my OB again and said 'something is wrong, we're doing what you told us to and it's not happening'. That's when they asked if I was testing for ovulation - which by the way they never told us to do prior to this even though I was having to have periods induced each month, a huge red flag that ovulation probably isn't happening either - and we hadn't been, so they then instructed us to start testing for ovulation during the proper time window. Well, obviously I wasn't ovulating. So I was started on Clomid.

The typical procedure with Clomid is that the first cycle you take it you only take the lowest dose (50 mg.) and test for ovulation. If it's negative you take the middle dose of Clomid (100 mg.) the next cycle and test for ovulation. If it's negative you then take the highest dose of Clomid (150 mg.) the next cycle and test for ovulation. If that's negative they send you to a fertility center. All the while each of these cycles from period to ovulation to inducing another period was about 50 days for me - almost twice as long as a natural woman's fertility cycle. The reason why is that I had to take the hormone medication to induce a period for ten days (cycle day 10), and then it took up to another ten days for my period to begin (cycle day 20). I then had another 14 days from when my period started to ovulation (cycle day 34), and then had to wait another 14 days until I could test for elevated hCG levels before starting the process all over (cycle day 48).

So basically in a year's time when most women have 12 ovulation windows to possibly get pregnant, I only have about six to seven. This is why it was such a hard experience getting pregnant with Hilton, because I was made to waste three cycles before we figured out I wasn't ovulating and another two cycles after we figured out the only dose that made me ovulate was the highest dose. Basically we wasted five cycles (10 months) until I finally got on the medication that helped me ovulate!

Since this time around we knew what was wrong, and what worked with Hilton I wanted to just skip all the hoops I was made to jump through with Hilton and just do what worked! Unfortunately, when I changed jobs after having Hilton my insurance also changed, and so I wasn't able to see the OB that delivered Hilton. In my mind he was my best chance to just start on the highest dose because he knew my experience, but instead I'd have to find someone else.

Because we knew we wanted to try for a summer-fall baby we knew we'd need to start trying in fall-winter time. So in the early spring of 2015 I started looking for a new OB; a good six months before we wanted to get pregnant because I knew it might take a couple months once we were on medication to get pregnant. I went to two different OB's, both of whom were very on-guard about my request, clearly reluctant to believe me and basically said they would require me to start from square one - the lowest dose of clomid - even though I already knew that it would be a waste of time. One OB also went so far as to say she, 'didn't think I truly had PCOS and would require me to do a full cycle unmedicated'. I kind of understood why they did that, but I didn't want to waste six months before I could even get on the highest dose of Clomid, nor did I want to see a doctor who didn't believe me even though I was telling her exactly what was in my medical chart! It was after two failed attempts at finding an OB I decided I needed to go see a doctor who knew me, and I knew would do what was best for me and not strictly follow the protocol standard.

Enter my PCP who I worked for right before having Hilton. He knew all about our struggles getting pregnant with Hilton, he happened to specialize in maternity care, and he knew me and knew I was telling the truth. He was fabulous, he didn't require me to start at the lowest dose, he also felt like if we knew what worked last time why try to find another or more difficult way to obtain the same result this time. I am so grateful for him being willing to help me when no one else would and helping me feel like asking for the highest dose wasn't like I was asking for narcotics. I also went to see a reproductive endocrinologist before I even knew I was pregnant who assured me that my PCOS was treatable with the right medications and to not lose hope, that I wasn't delusion in wanting to just take the medication I knew worked and that most OB's don't understand how to properly treat PCOS.

And that is why miraculously, we got pregnant on THE FIRST round of the highest dose of Clomid. The stress I felt this time around was so almost non-existent compared to the constant stress I lived with during the year we were trying to get pregnant with Hilton. I think it really helped that this time I knew I could get pregnant if just given the right medications, and that I was able to find physicians who listened to my experiences and formed a plan that was right for me and didn't try to make me do all kinds of weird trials of other medications just because they didn't want to prescribe Clomid.

But, it's also a little why it's taken so long for this pregnancy to sink in and really for me to start to realize that Hilton won't be our only munchkin. I wouldn't say I was in denial, I just almost felt like this time around was 'too easy'. I mean, come on, we got pregnant on the first cycle of Clomid! Compared to getting pregnant on the sixth cycle of Clomid with Hilton it just felt like it was too good to be true, that I wasn't really pregnant, or something might go wrong. So while my pregnancy with Hilton was very stress-free, this one comparatively has been so much more filled with worry. Worry if I sleep on my back I'll miscarry, worry if I go sledding I'll miscarry (I did go sledding with Hilton once and I was anxious for a straight week until my next check-up), worry if I eat only potato chips and drink root beer that I'll miscarry (the only food I could start for about two weeks straight), worry if I forget to take my prenatal I'll miscarry, etc.

Now that I'm finally in the second trimester the food aversions and morning sickness are finally going away and I'm becoming more visibly pregnant: I actually feel pregnant and truly know this is such an incredible blessing for our family. It also really helps that Jared and I have now agreed on a name that it feels more real. I can foresee what life will be like a little bit in August when this little man finally comes, and I'm getting excited for him to arrive. While it's going to be a pretty uncomfortable summer for me; I want to just savor every little bit of it as we will never be just a family of three after he comes.

I just want to conclude that I know there are so many women out there who are struggling with infertility and PCOS and that it is truly a struggle I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I also want to say that I hope you do not feel alone in your struggle. I hope you don't listen to doctor's that tell you it's impossible or not a real struggle, and that you are able to find physicians who are willing to help you and give you the right medical care that you need and is best for you. This experience in comparison with our experience with Hilton has been so night and day, because we had the knowledge and support of doctors who knew what we needed and were willing to do what was best for me instead of trying to force their protocols. I truly hope that anyone struggling with PCOS will be able to find that supportive and comforting physician who is able to really help them not just with the physical difficulties PCOS brings, but also emotionally to help them feel like it is doable and there is hope and they are not broken or defective. I'm so grateful for the support we received and I know this time around wouldn't have been as stress-free and painless without my wonderful physicians who truly listened to me and my concerns.

Lastly thank you to all my sweet mom-buddies who listened to my frustrations with not being treated well by the OB's I saw, and who encouraged me to find other solutions than a typical OB. I wouldn't have thought of that without your ideas and support to seek out someone who truly wanted to help me.

15 wks on the left with Hilton, 15 wks on the left with Graham

And because no post is complete without a couple goofy pictures of Hilton :)

My emergency trip to L&D

It's not a first time pregnancy without an emergency trip to L&D (labor and delivery), or so I'm told. And I've definitely experienced that so I think this pregnancy besides needing another two weeks for baby to be full term is ready to rock-and-roll. I thought I should document this now that I'm not as embarrassed about it as I was initially afterwards, plus some of you may get a kick out of it.

Back track to when Jared went to Africa while I was 31 and 32 weeks pregnant. We went forward with the plan of this trip because A) it had been planned before this pregnancy was a reality and B) I was feeling good, baby was healthy, no red flags were presented that made either of us think I could possibly deliver while he was gone. And I halfway teased him when I dropped him off at the airport that if I went into labor right then would he stay home? He of course said to knock it off and he'd be home in a week and a half.

So it was the day before he was supposed to leave Africa to come home from him super fun trip while I had been stuck at home working and continuing on with real life. I had been careful while he was gone, double checking the doors before I went to bed, eating right and not lifting anything heavy. But I woke up that Tuesday morning and something just didn't feel right. I got up to get ready for work, noticed my underpants were wet and thought nothing of it because...let's be honest sometimes you just don't have that much control over your bladder when you have a bowling ball sized baby sitting on it. 

I got dressed for work, fed the dogs and decided I'd better go to the bathroom before I left. And again, my underpants were wet and it was definitely NOT pee this time. And working where I do I hear all the time of slow tear leaks in the placenta and women leaking amniotic fluid and being a pregnant woman who is already overly emotional and prone to jump to conclusions I immediately started fearing the worst. And without Jared around I tend to lose control of my emotions more quickly and have overreactions including crying over incredibly small things since I've been pregnant (it's the hormones I tell you). So I call the OB on call, who promptly calls me back and I tell her about my symptoms and she tells me immediately to go into L&D to get checked out. 

So now I really start freaking out because my husband is on another continent and I have no real way of communicating with him other than email and my parents were currently at their home in St. George for the week. I call my parents at seven AM (yes I leave for work that early) and my half asleep mother answers the phone and freaks out because I'm bawling on the phone telling her I'm going into L&D, they immediately pack up and start driving home probably around 90 MPH, and then I emailed Jared just 'call me ASAP, it's an emergency' because at this point I'm under the impression (that I came to by myself in retrospect) that I will be delivering baby TODAY. Because that's the only reason why the OB on call would tell me to go to L&D right? And the only thing I could think about the whole drive in other than 'it's too early' is 'I haven't packed a freaking hospital bag yet'. Yes I know, I was freaking out. I can tell that now, but at the time I felt like I was justified. Anyways.

I get to my hospital which is way to far to have to drive when you're freaking out and by yourself, checked into L&D very quickly (the OB on call had called to let them know to expect me which made it faster I think) and was immediately put on the monitors. Baby started waking up about then and was moving crazy lots and listening to his quick little heart beat on the monitor was very reassuring so I started calming down at this point. They asked me bunches of questions that I don't really think were pertinent to having a baby in my own personal opinion but OK. Mom and dad called soon after I arrived asking if I'd made it to L&D yet, which I told them I had and they could drive safely that at this point since I was in good hands. The nurse gave me some water to drink and I sat listening to my babies heartbeat while we waited for the tests if it was amniotic fluid to come back. This seemed to take forever. And when I say forever, it felt like hours whereas I know it was probably less than a half hour. When the results came back even the nurse who admitted me was surprised because she thought they would be positive, but they came back negative for amniotic fluid. Of course this was a huge relief because baby could cook longer. Diagnosis? Softening cervix preparing for labor and excess fluid from that. And then they sent me home. 

So at this point I've already called into work, raised a three alarm panic mode from my mom and dad, and I had no clue if Jared had even read the email yet. I drove home feeling more than a little stupid and like I overreacted, got home and emailed Jared that it was a false alarm. Just as I hit send my phone rings and it's Jared. Of course he was panicked thinking he's become a father from another continent, after I explained what happened as best I could over a crackly phone connection he felt better and the positive of it all was we were able to talk for a minute which was so nice. Once I finished talking to Jared and was able to get pulled together-crying and stress makes for frizzy hair and runny makeup-I headed into work for a half day since I hadn't been told I had to go home and rest. Thank goodness all my coworkers were supportive and my boss (who is very empathetic and was very concerned that I had no family in town for what could have possibly been an early delivery) said it's always better to be safe than sorry, I started feeling a bit less like a crazed pregnant lady and more like someone who is just cautious.

All in all the whole experience made for an interesting story and something I definitely learned from, but now everybody is waiting for me to go into labor like I'm a ticking time bomb so nobody is going out of town. I had a checkup appointment with my OB the next day who said he definitely didn't think I'd make it to my due date, and to take it easy. But just watch, I'll go past my due date although I really hope not. I'd be more than happy if baby made his appearance in November. Either way we want a healthy baby boy, and less dramatic of beginning of labor than my water breaking or leaking. And that is my (hopefully ONLY) emergency L&D trip before the actual event occurs. 

Thank You

I was very grateful for the love and support I received with coming out regarding our infertility on the blog on Monday. I honestly expected nasty comments about how we barely 'struggled at all' or 'were too stressed about it' because I've honestly heard those to my face from others before. I felt so much love and understanding and I really want to say thank you. To those that we associate with on the big blue known as facebook, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and outpouring of congratulations and compassion we received. Announcing was honestly incredibly scary while very exciting at the same time. Not a lot of people knew about our struggle except for a few chosen friends and the majority of our coworkers, and though they were the first to know and we had to announce sometime I honestly considered putting it off longer. It just felt like this huge expose into my soul and my pain throughout this journey. But again, thank you for your uplifting words they made my heart feel overwhelmed with love all day.

Secondly thank you to those who do follow this blog for being so patient as I wasn't posting from firstly lack of desire and secondly constant miserable nausea that made me want to stay in bed curled in a ball all day (don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for the nausea since it means a baby but it still isn't fun). A couple of friends informed me that a month was a bit to long to be away and so thank you for being patient. I'm back and going to try to not completely overwhelm you all with pregnancy/baby obsessions but I'm probably going to do it a bit. Maybe a lotta bit but I'll try to keep it under control.

And lastly again, thank you to those who supported us through this journey (you know who you are) you really kept me afloat and hopeful that it would happen sooner rather than later.

Thank you.

And now for your viewing enjoyment: my first belly photo

Ok, a bit of background on this photo: we are pretty darn positive there's only one baby in there (my OB double checked at our first ultrasound), and no that is not fat (I can still feel my abs and I've only gained 5 lbs. so far) but yes that's after lunch. I am very aware I look like I'm about 16-17 weeks for a typical first pregnancy, but the OB says I'm probably just carrying really far forward. 

In good news to report my nausea that started around week 7 has gone away almost completely-it comes in early morning and late night still-and my appetite has come back so I'm no longer living off gatorade, cherrios, or just cheetos. 

Now we can add cheese sandwhichs, spaghetti, and pizza. Much healthier right?! Jared thinks I need to be eating salads for every meal or something. He tried to convince the OB that my eating cheetos was going to kill the baby or severely make it handicapped but the OB sided with me on that one while I was super sick. I still can't even look at meat without gagging, but my edible food list has increased and I'm very very glad for that. Any suggestions moms and other pregnant women? Any good ways to get your protein intake? Because I am struggling with that.

In bad news to report since I have a history of migraines on a bi-monthly basis before being pregnant, now that I am pregnant I have one about every week or two. However I think I've pinpointed the migraines to following when I've had high salt intakes. For ex. one night we went to a movie, got a huge tub of popcorn of which I ate the majority and the next day I had a killer migraine. So I'm working on controlling salt intake closely.

So far that's the only huge major changes, other than the fact I can't fit into ANY of my pre-pregnancy pants and half my shirts either. Definitely time to go maternity shopping! Any cute places other than motherhood maternity?

I'd love lots of tips and advice cute mommas!

albert+melanie expectancy

After some prodding and poking I finally was able to convince and then schedule a time to photograph our friends Albert and Melanie who are expecting their first bundle of joy beginning of July. I am really glad how these turned out considering how awful the lightening was. We were really rushed but we still ended up being able to get quite a couple good ones. 

Here are a few that I really loved:

can't wait for that adorable baby to make his entrance!

~M