One thing that I have wanted to express somewhere - but not on Facebook for major public consumption - is why I have stopped Facebook-ing. Back in 2015 I stopped for about a year because I was sick of the political posts and general arguments that broke out because of opinionated posts. I started again after I had Graham because of mom groups I wanted to be part of and be able to ask questions. But again, I recently had a friend post something very offensive to me. Deeply insulting and closed minded and it really really ate at me and bothered me to the point I would fume over it randomly a week plus later. When I was telling a friend about how upset I was because she's in a similar situation to me, she recommended not getting on Facebook anymore. I mean, really what did I get from it? A way to pass time? Waste. I have plenty of things I can do to fill me time that are much more meaningful. Connect with people? I rarely did that, I really only got on to see what other people were posting (baby announcements, interesting articles etc.).
And so I stopped again a couple months ago. Do I miss it sometimes? Yes, but I also don't have random posts enraging me by how self-righteous they are.
What was this offensive post you ask? To me, it was a complete attack on my way of life. Something that I feel guilty about and yet feel validated in the choice for our family all at the same time. One of the most personal choices a mother can make. Whether to continuing working after children, or whether to be a stay at home mom. But it was far more than that. It was the posting of an article authored by a parochial white middle-to-upper class MAN preaching the opinion that mother's who continue to work after having children are only doing it out of convenience, and that all married women when first married should instead of using their income to help support their household, save it so that their family doesn't get used to a lifestyle that they can't support without the wife working.
The thing that was the most offensive of it to me though, was that the comment this mother made when posting it which was something similar to, 'I know this might be offensive but I feel like this is true and that women become complacent in having dual incomes instead of saving their income...' or something to that effect. And what I would like to say to her is:
1. You are clearly ignorant of the realities of life for individuals who are not married to a Doctor or Lawyer or a spouse who makes a six figure income, perchance because you are married to someone who does one of the above-mentioned careers.
2. You do not know my family's situation, you do not know that I bring in as much income as my spouse and without my income we couldn't even afford a proper roof over our head or food in my family's mouth plus student loans, heating, electricity, and clean water. We're not using my income to buy expensive cars or to go on lavish vacations or to buy designer clothes. To claim that 'women working do so only as a luxury to live beyond their husband's income for comfort' is the most condescending claim I have ever heard and you should stop acting like you know other's situations.
3. You should not pass judgement of any kind on mothers as to why they work: income, mental health, or BECAUSE THEY SIMPLY WANT TOO.
4. People like YOU and this obscene article are EXACTLY the reason why mothers who work and mothers who get to stay at home have a hard time relating to each other; because both sides feel like we have to explain or justify our choices because entitled self-righteous people point fingers.
5. And lastly, if you know your post may offend people...there's probably a pretty good reason why you think it will offend others so KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! In this day and age people are much too eager to post their opinion and the world could do with more restraint and empathy for others.
I do everything I do for my family, and no one should ever claim otherwise. You don't know me and you don't know our situation, so don't pretend you do. If you had bothered to ask I would have told you that I want to be able to stay at home, but I can't and that's not for lack of budgeting. Nor is it for my husband's lack of trying who has worked graveyards for five years straight to help bring in a steady and dependable income, most of that while finishing his bachelor's degree. So mind your own business and move along.
Rant over. I felt like if I didn't express my strong feelings about this I would just keep harboring them inside and I'd rather just let out the word vomit so I can stop mulling about what I would say. And this is also why I decided Facebook isn't for me anymore. I don't need to work all day, five days a week sacrificing time away from my family to feel attacked by friends with their ignorance. If you got through this whole post, good job :)
